i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
