yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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