Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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