yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
