hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
