wanna go halves on a baby?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
