I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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