so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Will exercising make me less horny?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
