He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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