If that was your dad, he is hot
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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