Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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