i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
