my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
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