jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
