You really coming over, don't trick.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
