His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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