The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
