woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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