I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize