how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
