I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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