Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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