boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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