U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
