i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize