you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
