The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
