alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
