the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
