I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
