weddingsv make me drug and hornr
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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