Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
