I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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