i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
