i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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