there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
