I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
