you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
