i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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