I'm so fucking centered right now
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
