Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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