Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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