someone get that fucking seahorse.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize