DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
