Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
