picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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