all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize