it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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