Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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