Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
