Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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