I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
