I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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