Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Panties = found
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