I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
