Princesses don't give blow jobs
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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