If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
