Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
