Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
