he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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