Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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