Pappa wants mamma naked
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize