i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
