I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
