it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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