and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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