u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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