halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
