Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize