just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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