There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
