So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
