I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize