i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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