Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
