she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize