she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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