So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
