why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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