just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize