Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
