p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
