I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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