i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
