Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
