Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
