M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
