Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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