I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
