she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
