careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize