He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
