Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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