A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
