It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
