And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
