I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
