I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
